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[10 Mar 2004|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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Hey kids, this journal is now discontinued...I'll be at ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) encoded full time. Friends only. Will set it up later tonight.
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[10 Mar 2004|10:49pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Distillers - The Hunger |
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I think this is me re-starting my life. The only problem is I don't know where to go from here.
I feel weird. But this is my chance to prove things to myself. Maybe it's my chance to find out what life's really for. So far I've learned that music is my main point of happyness. So is being a vain little biotch.(I intend to find a way to make that work for me.) I'm still on NetZero right now...and looking to maybe work on getting a full time internet thing going. Uh, maybe next month though, no reason to be on right now.
Anyone got any spare free weights they'd be willing to toss my way? I need to get back in shape.
By the way, I'm getting married to my guitar. Like seriously, I'm officially guitar sexual. And the best part...I can have as many as I want. And as long as I rock different things like humbuckers, tunings, pedals..ect..and get a variety of the guitar sex.
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[09 Mar 2004|11:41am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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My dad called and asked if I wanted to be a laborer today. I guess I'd be making $8-9/hr, and working long days...but then I can't go to college until I quit. I'd even be starting tomorrow. But I guess there isn't even any job security in the matter. I think it's more important to go college right now. I just would like to help him out too. He also wanted me to help just this week, but tomorrow I have my financial aid thing, Thursday is orientation, Friday is movies with Holly and Shawn, then Saturday and Sunday I ended up not having to work after all but they don't work those days. Weird shizzle.
I woke up feeling sort of sick. It's weird, last night I did have a small breakdown, kind of one of those 14 years old angsty "notice me" things. Actually it's nothing now, I'm completely fine.
I got the house mostly clean..I still need to sweep and vaccume...but aside from that I'm finished. Not entirely looking forward to going back home. I'm going to call to get 56K back in my bedroom, since I can't afford a cable modem anymore. My dad has been storing trash in my room since I've been gone...seriously...so after cleaning here, I get to clean there. My room is small, and confined...so it picks up scents well...gross.
Anyway...toasters.
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[09 Mar 2004|04:23am] |
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mood |
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 fuckfuckfuckfuck |
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I've decided to make personal entries about me friends only, and entries about my life public. Suck on that.
Honestly I am so whiney I can't even stand myself, so I can't even begin to know why anyone reads this shit.
I'm also having a mild breakdown...I want to punch a mirror, but I'm not punk enough...I want to bust someone's skull, but I'm not metal enough...I want to bust some caps, but I'm not gangster enough. I WANT TO GET OUT MY FUCKING AGGRESSIONSKTOPNAIOKNBIOANIONAION!
Seriously though, I've been looking for something to break, and maybe see if I can get some new scars in the process...but since nothing in this house is mine, I've got this built up anger that has no outlet. I'm supposed to be cleaning, and have to finish in like, fucking 10 hours...on 0 fucking sleep hours...but all I CAN DO IS KEEPS SAYING FUCK! NTKEWNBIOANBIOEWAKNEKTNAEKNFUICLGOPJIGNEIKNGA
With that said...
fuckfuckfuckrofuckfuckfuckfukfuckfuckfuckfufdkcufkcufkcufkcufkcufkcufkfuckfufkcufkfufckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfudk
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[08 Mar 2004|01:50pm] |
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mood |
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 weird |
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music |
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Brand New - The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot |
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My dad's girlfriend, Diane, had a heart attack(at like 38 years old) in her sleep the other day. She's in the hospital now...might have a little brain damage...but seems to be doing alright. My dad doesn't seem too choked up about it, but I think he be frontin' so his dawgs don't play him for a chump. I feel bad for saying I hate her and wishing she'd move out...because now she's going to be living in a rehab clinic for a while, then with her mom for a while. I feel even worse saying I'm relieved when I go back home I won't have to see her for that same while. I also guess one of my dad's workers suffered a brain hemorrhage the other day at work, then Diane's mom got hospitalized by a car accident on the way to see Diane. Not a good week. Maybe everyone in my dad's life gets hurt when I'm not around...I'm good luck...for people who arn't me. And all this reminds me it that someday I'll die.
My second nostril piercing came out when I was sleeping...nothing's going to go back in there, I heal too fast. That's piercing number 12 I've had to say goodbye too. I only have 4 left. Just last month I had 4 on my face alone...now I just have 2. Sad day for monkeys. Gotta miss those monkeys.
I have to clean the house real good today, for when my mom gets him. It's going to suck. I'm probably going to put it off til the last minute, then speed clean as I start finally getting tired.
That's all I have to say. Later.
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[05 Mar 2004|04:40am] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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Queens of the Stone Age - Feel Good Hit of the Summer |
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I think I'm going to completely give up on girls. Perhaps all humans.
(^^^^Said that before^^^^)
I want someone who loves me, without conditions and restrictions everytime I take a step. I want what I'll never have back unless I start with another person. It's starting to seem that way anyway. Like, even if time heals all wounds, I see nothing changing in time. Just distance.
Enough self loathing shit...tomorrow is the day I restart my life, the right way. Yes, inspired, blah blah, important conclusions on life, ect.
I've already used up 4 of my 5 free Blockbuster rentals for this week, amusing that if I get money, it's gone in 2 days. If I get free movie rentals...gone in 2 days. I have compulsive issues I think. I need to learn restraint.
I'm not going to the tattoo thingy since Shawn can't afford it.
Instead:
Who wants to run away to Vegas and get married this weekend?
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[04 Mar 2004|04:31pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Probably something. |
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I want to go to that tattoo convention this weekend but I'm skeptical about it. I'm not entirely sure I want to spend $20 on just one day...plus I don't even think anyone will come with me, besides Shawn, in which case he owes me $13 right now, and he has car payments, so I doubt he'll want to do that. If I did go, I'd probably go Sunday, just because the best judging is going on Sunday. Still, I don't know. Maybe I'll just wait til the one in May.
(It's more important to work on saving money for new tattoos, than to go view other people's...especially when a good ammount of my spare time is spent surfing through BME for ideas.)
Meh...
I'm getting incredibly tired of some things. Some things will remain nameless...but be sure, these things are...stuff.
I am tempted to go rent another game, or movie, or something...I'm bored. (even though I really don't want to use all my rentals just yet.) Maybe I'll just try to borrow GTA-VC from David. Even if I still have his GTA3. Either way, I have this terrible urge to walk around a large city with big guns, picking off everyone that gets in my way. Video games are the best place to do this...
Ya'll suck.
( Old school picture of me. )
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[04 Mar 2004|06:26am] |
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mood |
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geeky |
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Driving around with Shawn and David, while singing loudly to Spice Girls. Probably the best night that's been had in a while.
W3RD.
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[03 Mar 2004|12:25am] |
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mood |
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 floaty |
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music |
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Loudermilk - Anthema |
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It was weird, I was talking to David on the phone for a good hour, then about as soon as the first hour kicks in, reality stops. Like we just hung up, a half hour after reality stopped, but everything is gone. I feel high to be honest. I'm 100% not stoned...so why do I feel like it. I can feel this weird cushion around my head, I don't know. It's all really insane feeling.
Adrienne was over today. Adrienne's a girl. Adrienne and I had Mexican. Adrienne was tired. Adrienne is gone.
I think I may shower, with my newly found gift of the unconcious. I want to keep working on the song I've been working on tonight, but seriously..all focus is long since passed. (I couldn't figure out if I wanted to go with the word passed, or past. Either one would work, and saying them sounds like the other anyway)
Stop putting on my dresses and dancing to the beat of the night.
Theory, everybody hates me.
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[02 Mar 2004|01:11pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the E |
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I'm so tired...like literally I'm so tired I can't even tell what mood I'm in. I woke up like 4 hours ago, and I'm still just really sedated. I'm supposed to cook for Adrienne, but we don't have anything good to cook in the house...and what we do have isn't very impressive.
I should clean more. I wanted to update something, but because I'm so tired I can't remember or begin to think what.
I hate Blockbuster...as of today I went to my interview 2 weeks ago, and I still havn't even had my orientation yet.
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[27 Feb 2004|02:21pm] |
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mood |
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good |
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music |
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Blondie - Call Me |
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Shawn's sleeping on my couch at 2PM, I've been up since 10AM. Band practice last night was a bust when Shawn wouldn't sing outloud. I think I'm going to stop trying to do this David and Shawn music thing. One problem after another. Not even worthy. I'll just work alone from this point on.
I've been up desinging tattoos. Mostly working on designing ones that won't cost a fortune but still look cool. I made the chest piece I want, and a couple rockets, with a special color scheme thing going on, I want them.
Bored. Going broke(not really, but probably soon). Waiting for Blockbuster to call me so Chris can tell me when I'm supposed to come in for a second orientation. I hate my Blockbuster shirt, it's large, I'm not. I need to work out more often, I'm going to eat then set up the tredmill in front of the tv, so I can run while being entertained.
I hear various sounds coming from the living room, Shawn may be up. I like having a house to myself.
Oh and one other thing, all girls need more tattoos.
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[26 Feb 2004|11:54am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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Celldweller - Switchback |
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So the units have left. Tim said I could use his truck for the next 2 weeks they're gone. It's a $40,000 truck, so I'm pleased. I just can't be careless. Still 6 CD changer, rock.
I'm not sure what else to say, last night was cool...yep.
I have to leave to obtain some food, then to my orientation now. Later homo.
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[25 Feb 2004|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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weird |
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music |
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Loudermilk - Rock 'n' Roll And Teenage Desperation |
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I honestly don't know.
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[24 Feb 2004|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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I got a job at Blockbuster (Woodhaven, on West Road between Allen and Fort)...so here's what all my loving friends are going to do...
For everyone I help, suggest, or just force to rent something, I get points. If I don't make enough average points to cover my pay...well then they fire me eventually. But if I make more, I get promoted + more hours. Right now, I'm only at 20 hours a week, sucks, but with your help I could be rockin' the 40 hour week.
Tomorrow I have a meeting for financial aid at the Michigan College of Beauty. But because my mom and Tim together drag in 100k+ a year, I probably won't get much. If I used my dad's tax information I could get a lot...but he can't even know I'm going to be a hair stylist. SOOOOOO, that sucks.
And that's about all there is to say.
And I hate girls. I wish I were the gayest guy, EVER.
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[23 Feb 2004|12:24pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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YAY! I'm so happy.
No wait...I'm not.
In fact I hate you all.
No I really don't.
Just a select few.
Probably not you.
But maybe you.
Anyway, I guess David and I will be trying out for a band. They need a drummer and a guitar player...we're a drummer and a guitar player. They're like 25 though, but they've been in a lot of bands, which means they've got their shit together. The downside is that they practice an hour away.
Which wouldn't be so bad, if I only had a job...
or money...
or porn.
Maybe not the porn.
I made the decision not to think anymore. If I let my brain run on auto-pilot, I AM INVINCIBLE! Or...stupid. Stupider, anyway. Ok I've realized I'm not stupid, just random, and dumb.
Shawn's car is sex. I got to drive it for a good 10 minutes today. 2002 Honda Civic...SEX!!!
I still hate you.
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[20 Feb 2004|04:43pm] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
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music |
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HIM - Pretending |
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This bitch is single.
Yeah Adrienne and I were together for like 5 days before we figured out she can't have a life and a boyfriend. So I fall into second place there. I'm just kinda...callous about it. Last night I got all the sadness out, so I'm fine now.
No Blockbuster call yet. Ah well. Nothing else I can really think of that sparks my interest to talk about.
So now I'm going to go...do nothing.
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[18 Feb 2004|02:14pm] |
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mood |
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good |
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Dyed my hair black, you hate monkeys.
I don't have a lot else to say.
Here's a picture. Stop eating white folk.
More pictures here and whatnot.
And now I'm off to my next adventure...or something.
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[17 Feb 2004|07:35pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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New icon, you wish it was yours.
Decided to put off tonight's plans until 8-9PM. Probably going to dye my hair black first....or after. I dunno.
Hoping Blockbuster calls.
I can feel myself changing...for some reason I think I've just fell into this whole "becoming a better, more responsible, less dramatic" person thing.
Good times...good...times.
If people need to ask me to hang out more. Anyone local I have the potential to hang out with is always just too busy for me. This being like 6 people.
Tacos rock...yeah...you love tacos.
Comment to hang out with me. I'm the best person ever, you're dying to do it. Or at least because I'm more entertaining than being bored.
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